No matter what, the reality is that you are your own self. Every time you receive feedback good or bad you must take a step back and see the truth about it. It is not about questioning everything but rather it is about introspection!
By realizing your own self, you will be able to better lead a fulfilling life. Receiving a compliment is always nice. It is human to take it and to use it to build your high horse, your own Pedestal. On the other hand, receiving a complaint is never nice, but it is human to take it personally and get upset. But we cannot stop at being human. We need to strive and better ourselves, we need to search for WISDOM and ENLIGHTENMENT by introspection. Only in this way are we able to GROW both Personally and Spiritually.
You did something great; you received a Compliment! Way To Go! Now take a moment and consider “Who” is giving you a compliment? Is it a peer that is looking at you as a role model? Is it your boss that is trying to build your confidence? Is it an automatic rehearsed compliment by someone that just wants to be polite? It can even be from a sincerely thankful person. Without introspection you will simply not see the real truth behind these words and you risk building that high horse, that SELF pedestal on the wrong pretenses! Which will drive you become Cocky and Arrogant in the long term.
Let us briefly dissect the truth behind those before we go into complaints.
A Compliment from a peer and can be true or even fake and not sincere. That is why you must take it as a grain of salt and not put excessive weight on it. Consider the peer, is he really going to admit that you are better and that he is inferior? By giving you a compliment that is what he is doing. Your success Could have been his success. Perhaps there was another teammate nearby or even the boss that needed to overhear them being supportive. The reality is, even if he is honestly happy for you, there will always be that pinch of jealously because it is always nicer to receive a compliment then to give it. So, if you ever feel that you are better than someone because they gave you a compliment, don’t let that define you and think you will always be better than them.
If a boss gives you a compliment. That is wonderful. Most likely it means you closed a deal or even more importantly you made a client happy! That makes him look good! Remember the saying “Don’t bite the hands that feeds you”? By Complimenting you, you will be more inclined to repeat that behavior and in turn increase your boss’s reputation and bottom-line. By exaggerating a bosses compliment you will, like before, think you are better than your peers, you will think that you are becoming preferred and chances are you will think that your skills have increased to the next level. While all the above might be partially true in some cases, you will grow to become arrogant and when you make mistake in the future you will find yourself alone in a Vipers Pit. Take the compliment, but do not build your self-esteem with it, rather think of how you helped that person/client and how you made their lives better. If you did not do that then perhaps you should question what you are actually doing.
The Dangers of being accepting politeness and confusing it with Skill or Merit! You did something great today! You solved someone’s problem, you helped an old lady cross the street, you helped someone do something as a favor. That is wonderful! They thank you for it. It feels wonderful right? You Deserve that thanks, you worked for it! Right? NO! What you did is great yes, nothing to say there. But do you DESERVE their thanks? Do they Owe YOU now? I scratch Your back You Scratch My Back typo of deal?
Most people do not even care and won’t help anyone. They are focused on themselves. If they see someone that is in need, they won’t engage, NOT even after the other person finds themselves ASKING (because you were too selfish to automatically act even if you saw they were in difficulty). The minimum a human should do is at least ask if the other person needs assistance. They might refuse your help or they might accept it. But being indifferent is turning your soul against yourself. By being kind and humble and offering help, that is the only way to grow. Being indifferent and selfish is the same as letting your fellow partner keep a knee on someone’s neck even after they repeatedly plea for help. So Just remember, accepting a compliment is fine as long as you take the time to see the real essence of what you did to deserve it! Who did you help? Did you really help society with that action?
If the answer is no, then you have extra introspection to do!
Complaints! They are hard to accept, but much more useful then Compliments! That is the Hard truth to swallow. You need to be Humble. A complaint is an opportunity to better yourself! Yes there are many people that become incandescent and become real hurricanes. Those are lost souls. Their anger is not actually all From You but from a complicated mix of problems and stress they are going through. Do not fuel their fire with bad words or matched aggression, that is NOT the time to make yourself Worthy. Yes Take the words, Be humble, Apologize, Be Sincere. Do not match fire with fire, be the water. You can make yourself worthy later on.
What is a Complaint? Let’s put people’s rudeness aside and lets focus on the essence. It must mean you did something wrong or at the VERY least it could mean you did something that could have been done BETTER! Don’t put yourself down because of a complaint. Don’t lose hope or happiness. Every Compliment comes after MANY COMPLAINTS. It’s a learning curve! You are here for the journey of life, always focus on VALUE! Your actions did something that made another person not satisfied with you. Ask Yourself, what can you do to make the situation better? What can you bring to the table to give back to the society around you?
Of course, sometimes you do something perfect and they still complain, perhaps they are blatant lies or simply they expected something different. It is very common. It still does no good to the situation by matching fire with fire. Take a step back, reflect, breath, and ask what would make them happy? In the end of a day, by learning to be humble and accepting complaints will allow you to grow and become better in all aspects of life.
Take for instance a chef, if he always gets complaints of his foods being too salty, but he believes it’s perfect, he will not last long in anyone’s kitchen. Just remember Compliments are good for the soul, but don’t let them define you, as they will become your enemy if you put too much weigh on them.
Complaints are teachers, yes sometimes complaints have no basis, but the ones that do, you can use to help yourself and turn TODAYS COMPLAINTS INTO TOMMORROWS COMPLIMENTS!